How To Last Longer During Sex

Questions and Answers From Internet Forums

Question: Even though my wife and I have been married for thirty years, my ejaculation has gradually got quicker and quicker over the years to the point now where I cannot think of myself as anything other than a man with premature ejaculation!

I have had a vasectomy, but apart from that, nothing has changed. Is there any evidence to suggest PE is correlated with getting older? And how do I stop it?

Answer 1: No, but there is evidence that rapid climax is correlated with dropping testosterone levels, which are correlated with age. Men need a good level of testosterone at all ages to perform sexually - and without testosterone, the bedroom responses that you have established over thirty years will change completely.

My advice is - see a good andrologist or endocrinologist and press for testosterone replacement therapy. 

Answer 2: Try condoms with a local anesthetic inside them. This will certainly slow you down considerably, in fact they should allow you to go on for as long as your wife requires, or until you and she both wish to enjoy orgasm. 

Answer 3: You need to vary what you are doing. Sticking to one position, one thrusting movement, and one attitude won't work. Start with a little fellatio and cunnilingus or masturbation, massage each other's bodies, change positions frequently from man on top to woman on top, and so on.

Variation is great in combating rapid ejaculation because every time you stop the proceedings, you allow your arousal to drop a little.

Then, when you start again, you take a little more time to get back to the level of arousal you were at. In this way you can go for a long time, and when you do come, the added benefit will be that your orgasm is much more intense.

Answer 4: To last longer before I come during lovemaking, I discovered it's really helpful to work up to my climax really slowly. I take my time in foreplay, I take my time in ensuring that my partner has an orgasm, and I take my time in penetration. I don't thrust hard or fast, just leisurely, and slow, and I breathe really deeply and long.

All of this means that I am relaxed, and I think that helps because I believe PE has a lot to do with being tense and uptight. My orgasm is intense, too, when it comes, I think because I have taken the time to build up to it.

What this means is that I last a long time and my partner has several orgasms before I have one. Another benefit here is that this takes the pressure off me - I don't feel I have to go on for ages to satisfy her.

Answer 5: Even though my husband and I have been together ten years, we are still trying to find out how to stop his premature ejaculation. But what we do to get around it is to work up to penetration real slow. He takes ages pleasuring me orally, and I give him the best fellatio possible.

We massage and kiss and simply spend time staring into each other's eyes before the main event. As you can imagine, after an hour or two of this, I am so ready for it that I come almost immediately when he enters me.

Sure, my orgasm triggers his, but the point is that I am so aroused that I can come whether he lasts two minutes or twenty. It's not ideal but it helps a lot.

Answer 6: Some guys have suggested you masturbate before you have sex. But I am not sure that's the best way to control premature ejaculation. Surely you lose some of your passion and have a hard time getting back to the same level of arousal?

And if you're getting older, you may not even be able to get it up twice in one day! Here are some other suggestions from the internet on how to deal with PE. They take about three to six weeks to work.

  • Simply have lots of intercourse. Do it as much as you can each and every day. The more you have it, the less sensitive to the arousal and the longer you'll last.
  • The classic method is to stop and start during intercourse. In other words, thrust until you feel you are about to come. Then stop. Wait until your arousal has gone down, then begin to thrust again. Repeat as often as necessary until you are trained to last longer.
  • Contract your pubococcygeus muscles every so often - and you will find your arousal drops and your erection softens a little.
  • Masturbate to the edge of orgasm then stop. Repeat as often as necessary to prolong staying power. This is only a good way to train yourself to last longer if you have the will power not to give in and go for it!
  • Use a thicker condom than normal or one with anesthetic in. When you have overcome your tendency to come too quickly, go to a thinner one, and when you are used to that, try without one.

Question: It's always been in the back of my mind that perhaps my small penis size and my moderate lack of ejaculation control are linked. When I refer to lack of control, I simply mean that I cannot control when I ejaculate with my wife as well as I'd like.

I wouldn't go as far as saying I have PE, as I can last anywhere from 2-10 minutes, but it is out of my hands when things get really hot as to whether or not I can control myself.

As you can imagine, and some may know first hand, this is frustrating for both myself and especially my wife.

She and I have talked and she has said that in her experience larger men have seemed to have more control and stamina than smaller men, so my question to the ladies in this forum is whether your experience is similar. I can imagine a host of reasons why logically this could be the case, such as:

  • Smaller penises are more likely to enter all the way to the hilt each thrust, therefore maximizing the time that the shaft of the penis is inside the vagina.
  • Smaller men may be more self conscious about their size, and their anxiety may be part of the problem
  • Smaller men may simply try harder during intercourse, therefore thrusting faster than men with an average or larger sized penis, and so ejaculating sooner.

Anyway, any or all of these could be the case with my own problem, but ladies do you notice any correlation?

Answer 1: Good question!! Had me thinking for a while...I have not found any correlation between penis size and ejaculation speed. In fact, my ex was 9 inches long and lasted 10 - 30 minutes, while my husband when we first met lasted 3-4 hours, even though his penis is 6 inches long. Of course he could make a woman come without any problem, and that was what led to the break up of our marriage!

In case you think that 3 hours would be great, you're wrong. The first couple of times I thought he was superman, and called him that. Then it got annoying.

I started worrying that I was not pleasing him. I totally got down on myself, and when I talked to him about it, he told me that he has always been this way.

A lot of times, his exes would quit before he came, so he went unsatisfied. We used to stop for smoke breaks, or go grab a sandwich, anything to pass the time, because it was exhausting! And I developed "honeymoonitis" which is chronic bladder infections from all the intercourse. Now that we have normal sex (5 - 30 minutes) I am much happier.

This is amazing considering the way it used to be, and he was really concerned about it. After talking to a good friend of mine, we narrowed it down to trust.

In his past relationships - only three of them - it was amazing if he ejaculated, and this was usually only after some hours of lovemaking and lots of lube. With me, he is so secure, and turned on, that he ejaculates. Could it be the same with you? 

Answer 2: Do you use Kegel exercises? That is, exercise the muscle that stops the flow of your urine? You may find this helps. I know that for some men it has. 

Answer 3: I'm sure someone, somewhere has done a study on penis size and premature ejaculation, but I'd venture to say that on average, a man's staying power or "time on the clock" is much shorter than many think. Anyone have any stats on this? General information on the average amount of time a man can thrust from start to finish.

Answer 4: I'm no expert on this, but premature ejaculation (enter, thrust and ejaculate) is one thing. Two to ten minutes is another and may be satisfactory for some women.

Answer 5: In my younger days I was capable of staying hard after I ejaculated so I didn't need to learn self-control. I could orgasm two or three times without stopping and it was not uncommon to have four hour sex sessions with 45 - 60 minute stretches of straight intercourse.

The problems came when I reached around age 25: I gradually began losing my erection after my first orgasm in the first 2 - 10 minutes. I found myself unable to fully please my wife.

This has been extremely frustrating for both myself and my wife. It is really hard for me to enjoy my orgasms during intercourse because I always, even now, try to continue to ensure she is satisfied. I wind up missing the pleasure of my orgasm.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but it is a frustrating situation. My wife and I have begun using toys so she never lacks satisfaction, but we have had to change our habits somewhat to accommodate my tendency to over-rapid ejaculation. 

Answer 6: I am 18 years old and my penis is 7 inches long and 5.5 inches around. My longest  time before ejaculation is 30 minutes, that's with a steady pace. I see it like this.

The more times you ejaculate, the longer you are able to sustain yourself. Older men are not as able to have repeat orgasms. The most orgasms I have had is 3. This is with 5 minute breaks that I use to give her oral pleasure.

So if you are looking at it that way then I can say that my longest time is about 2 hours. Then there is the vagina of the woman you are having sex with. More often than not a tight woman will make you ejaculate faster than normal.

Then you have to look at your state of mind too. If you're really aroused and turned on, of course you're going to ejaculate quickly. I'm saying that you need to moderate your excitement. It's like a virgin man.

It's not necessarily because it's his first time that he ejaculates so fast, it's more that he is so excited about making love for the first time. To answer your question: I do believe size has a part in stamina, but you also have to look at other factors. These factors are age, state of mind, and the woman.

Answer 7: For me personally there are many factors involved in the origin and treatment of early ejaculation. When I was younger (in my teens and 20's) I was more conscious of my smaller size and I think that led to a quick ejaculation.

As I matured in my mind and became more secure in myself, I noticed my stamina increased significantly. I was able to go hours with my wife and ejaculate several times. I don't know who was more amazed...her or me.

Today, staying power is about my state of mind, the amount of alcohol I've consumed, and the circumstances. I don't have the quick ejaculation issue anymore and haven't had for years, but the difference between 30 minutes and all night is tied to those issues and nothing else. 

Answer 8: For me, sexual position has a lot to do with PE. If my wife is on top I can almost always last as long as necessary for her to come first (which is always preferred in my book). But when I'm on top, I will almost always come first no matter how hard I try not to.

Of course some of this may have to do with how excited my wife is in relation to each position (i.e. she probably comes faster when she is on top).

And if I take her from behind she either plays with herself or uses a vibrator while we make love so that she will orgasm faster.

Indeed, she usually comes first, and 99% of the time I reach climax within 10 to 15 seconds of her orgasm. This is a great way of preventing premature ejaculation!

Question: "My boyfriend reaches orgasm within two minutes after he enters me and I don't know what to do about it. And I don't know how to approach him about it. Is it normal for a man to come so quickly? I don't have a lot of sexual experience, as you may have guessed! We have been together for six weeks.

The problem is that he seems really wound up about it and indeed he often seems reluctant to have sex. I think he has taken it to heart and sees himself as a failure.

I'm even beginning to worry that his tendency to come quickly is my fault, as he was with his last girl for several years and I assume that she would not have put up with his premature ejaculation all that time?"

Answer 1: Please don't be embarrassed about this, as you are in a relationship with him you should be able to talk about anything. First of all he is ejaculating too quickly: two minutes is just not long enough to enjoy sex properly, and he needs to be stop this and last longer so you both get full enjoyment of sex.

I assume he enjoys sex with you and wants to make you happy, so it's up to him to find a way of learning how to pleasure a woman by lasting longer in bed.

First of all, he needs to know that you want more of the pleasure of intercourse.

That should give him the motivation to work on stopping his early ejaculation. Personally, I have tried condoms which claim to make the man last longer, but they don't really work.

 Instead, you could ask him to slow down his thrusting when he is about to climax, or even to lie still for a while until he is less excited. Then he can carry on. He should repeat this every time he gets near the point of ejaculation.

Answer 2:  As a man I'd say, don't be embarrassed about it - my mates and I have often joked about a woman being so attractive that we couldn't last more than two minutes.

And it's not likely to be your fault - except in so far as he finds you really exciting! - so don't worry that it is your fault. Find a way of working the conversation round to the subject. For example, tell him how much you like making love with him, and how much you'd like it to last longer.

That will give you both an opportunity to start talking about it. Also, remember that you've only been a couple for a very short space of time, and things are new and exciting - like all relationships, the romance and passion will cool down a little as time goes by and you may even find he lasts much longer naturally.

Answer 3: I think he must have had this problem in his previous relationship. Men are either good lovers or they're not - and often if they aren't they don't try and increase their staying power. But if he wants to, then it will need a concerted effort on his part to overcome the problem. First of all, he has to commit to solving it.

You need to begin by extending foreplay. He's going to get turned on, but that's OK as long as he knows how turned on he is. 

He can get aroused, but what he must do is keep a check on how excited he is in his body - and keep his arousal high without actually ejaculating. If he wants to stop coming so quickly, he's going to have to put some effort in.

Maybe you could enjoy a little more kissing and caressing. Don't go on to the point where he thinks he is going to ejaculate.

When he's nearing the point where he begins to feel his ejaculation coming on, take your hand off his penis and stroke his chest. Repeat this as often as necessary until he can take much more of you stimulating him without any danger of coming.

When he has learned how to cope with his penis being stimulated by your hand for much longer, you could move on to fellatio. This will be very exciting for him, and again you might need to practice for a few session until he's learned to take more of it than before.

You can give him pleasure with your mouth, then as he gets aroused, stop moving and let him cool down, so to speak, then go back to it, and so on.

The idea is to extend how long he can last before he comes. All this time, he needs to be monitoring how aroused he is - a lot of guys ejaculate because they simply lose touch with their bodies during sex, so they never know they are going to ejaculate until it's upon them, so to speak!

And you need a sexual position where he can't thrust much, as that speeds up his progress towards orgasm. So woman on top is ideal for this. Keep it slow and steady - don't get over-excited yourself, or he'll certainly come very quickly!

Ask him to tell you when he gets near his orgasm and stop moving. You might even lift yourself off him completely until his arousal has gone down.

This might take some time, but if you start making love again too soon, or he was too near orgasm, he'll just ejaculate fairly quickly. You should just move around a little until he gets near - then stop.

As you repeat this over time, he'll be able to control his arousal much better until finally he can thrust away for ages without getting too excited and ejaculating!

This is what's called the stop - start method, and although it takes time, it does work in the end.

Answer 4: Well, it's typical of a guy to get defensive when you begin to question his sexual performance. He may feel let down by ejaculating so fast and let down by thinking he didn't please you.

That's hard for a guy to take. But you have to talk to him about this - you can't hide the fact there is a problem any longer.

If you don't do anything soon, his bad bedroom habits ejaculation will just get between you, erode the relationship, and probably he'll never stop it.

First of all he needs to admit there is a problem - and if he doesn't know that yet, then you will have to tell him that being so fast in bed is not acceptable to you.

The you will have to discuss between you what you are going to do to stop him ejaculating so quickly. The previous answer gave a pretty good description of one way of how to stop it happening.

I understand because this happened to me, but my partner let me deal with it by resting every time I was near coming (I mean we stopped moving when I was near ejaculation) and I just rested in her vagina without moving. It took two months but after I'd done this enough I learned how to stop premature ejaculation and now I can go on for two hours.

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Steer Clear Of Dangerous Cures For Premature Ejaculation!

Check out this revealing audio interview with Lloyd Lester, sex therapist, men's counselor and sex guru.

In this juicy interview, Lloyd tells you how and why millions of men experience premature ejaculation - and how you really can cure it!

And after you've listened to the interview, you can pick up Lloyd's eBook here.

Or, if you prefer, READ A TRANSCRIPT of the audio interview above by clicking here.

(You'll be astounded by the myths and lies that Lloyd blows out of the water when he talks about how to last longer in bed.)