That probably includes YOU. After all, you're here,
reading a website on how to prevent rapid orgasm and ejaculation.
Are you
bothered that you come so quickly?
Do you feel ashamed because you have no self-control in bed?
Do you believe that if you only knew how to prevent yourself ejaculating
too soon, then your lover would reach orgasm during sexual intercourse?
And how do you feel about yourself? The
painful reality is that men who can prevent premature ejaculation seem to
feel much more powerful in all areas of their lives.
So what's the real truth about PE?
How easy is it to stop rapid ejaculation?
Can you really find out how to
prevent it? What are the facts behind the myths - and do men really need
to feel so bad about something which is so common?
To prevent you being taken in by some of the con
men out there, peddling so-called cures for premature ejaculation, I'm
going to answer these questions, using my knowledge and experience gained
from 12 years' work as a sex therapist, helping men with all kinds of
sexual problems:
What is premature ejaculation, exactly
- and how can premature ejaculation be prevented?
How many men experience premature ejaculation?
And just what is the normal length of intercourse, anyway?
What
makes a man climax prematurely, come too early, during lovemaking?
What can the average man do
to stop premature ejaculation,
really?
Premature Ejaculation (PE): Let's start by considering
what it is and how common it is....
Over the years many attempts have been made
to define premature ejaculation (also known as rapid ejaculation or early
climax, and commonly abbreviated to PE).
One of the difficulties in forming a
definition of this condition is that what constitutes "normal" sexual
activity is so variable between couples. If we had a clear definition of
the average length of normal sexual intercourse for men and women, it
would be easier to simply state, for example, that intercourse which
lasted less than five minutes due to the man's ejaculation constituted a
case of early climax.
The first problem with this approach is that
we have little data on what constitutes the average time to sexual
intercourse, although various studies have suggested that it may lie
between four and seven minutes from the moment of penetration to the
moment of ejaculation (this period is the intravaginal ejaculatory latency
time, also known as the latency time, or IELT for short). The second
problem is that many couples would find five minutes of intercourse
perfectly satisfying for both the man and woman.
Are we therefore to define the condition
only when it includes an element of dissatisfaction or lack of sexual
fulfillment due to intercourse not lasting long enough, or are we to
define it by objective measures of the IELT? In reality, therapists,
clinicians and scientists alike have taken both approaches, and found
neither to be completely adequate.
From a pragmatic point of view, most therapists who
offer premature
ejaculation treatment would certainly wish to include some reference to the sexual
satisfaction and fulfillment of the sexual partners.
This approach avoids the need to try and specify an exact time for which
sexual intercourse "should" last, and on balance it is probably the best
approach, because the length of intercourse certainly is very variable
and depends on many factors which are
completely individualistic and known only to the couple concerned. You'll see
at once that this means that two
minutes of sex could be very satisfying one couple while completely
inadequate for another;
we would not regard the man as having a rapid or early climax if both partners
were satisfied with this level of sexual "staying power".
Having said all that, it is clear that a man who ejaculates
before or just after penetration regularly has a problem which is
entirely worthy of being defined
as premature or rapid ejaculation or early climax; and there would be little doubt that
this is a problem which needs treating since there is likely to be little or no
sexual satisfaction or pleasure in such an interaction for either partner.
To clarify this further, a man may be able to
prolong
the IELT for eight minutes
during sexual intercourse, but if he and his partner are fully satisfied
with this then
that hardly constitutes a case of
premature ejaculation. Another man might be able to delay ejaculation for,
let's say, 20 minutes but still be dissatisfied if his partner would
prefer
intercourse to last longer. This might be the case if, for example, she was
able to reach orgasm after 35 minutes of vaginal intercourse.
On balance therefore, the most practical working definition of early
climax or rapid ejaculation is this: the man is experiencing PE if he
consistently ejaculates
before he and his partner have achieved full sexual satisfaction
(accepting that this may have a different meaning for different couples),
or in less than
four minutes on more than 50% of the occasions on which he and his partner
have sexual intercourse.
And despite the precision implied by that definition, it's worth reiterating several
points: first of all, few women reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse,
so any definition which implicitly or explicitly
defines "satisfaction" for the woman as "reaching orgasm through intercourse"
is inherently flawed. Second, if the couple are satisfied with their sex
life
and not experiencing stress or distress because of the man's inability to
control his ejaculation, then he is not in any practical sense
experiencing premature ejaculation.
Third, treatment will probably only be necessary when either a man or his
partner or both are dissatisfied with his performance and wish to extend
the length of time
between penetration and ejaculation.
The DSM IV Diagnostic and Statistical Manual lists
the criteria for defining premature ejaculation as follows: (1) persistent
and recurrent ejaculation with minimal sexual stimulation before, on, or
shortly after penetration and before the person wishes it; (2) marked
distress or interpersonal difficulty; and (3) it is not exclusively due to
direct effects.
Another factor which makes it extremely difficult to define what is normal
or average in the matter of sexual intercourse is the observation that
what is considered normal ejaculatory latency (this is the time between
penetration and a man's climax) varies dramatically from country to
country,
not to mention between a man and his partner. We can say with some
certainty, however, that there is a consistent figure reported of
between 30 and 50% of the male population in all societies who express
the desire to be able to continue thrusting during intercourse for longer than they are currently able
to. This
makes PE the most common sexual complaint in men worldwide.
One of the more useful definitions of premature ejaculation is the
division into Primary PE and Secondary PE. Primary PE refers to rapid
climax in men who have had
this condition since they became sexually active. Secondary PE refers to
rapid or early climax which began some point later in life after a man has previously
enjoyed an adequate level of control during intercourse.
Regional differences do exist, too: for example, in Germany the perceived average time between penetration and
climax of men is only seven minutes, but men in the United States
reported an IELT of more than thirteen minutes. It's actually
extremely unlikely
that there is really a difference of this magnitude between men in
Europe and men in the United States, which suggests a cultural pressure in the US for
men to perform sexually to a certain standard (but see the note on
circumcision below).
Such a sexual standard can be determined culturally or by the
expectations of society at large.
Generally women estimate the length of time for which
their men are able to control their progress to climax fairly accurately,
although they consistently estimate slightly lower latency times than
their male partners -- which may be an indication of some level of
dissatisfaction with the duration of intercourse. In terms of population
frequency, as I mentioned before, estimates suggest that PE affects
between 30% and 50% of the male population: this means the number of men
who ejaculate before they or their partners wish them to do so. Some
evidence in the United States suggests that up to 70% of men can be could
be classified as having PE, although far fewer men actually seek treatment
for the condition: some probably don't even perceive it as a problem, even
if their partners do.
The Global Study of Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors
(GSSAB), collected data
from more than 27,000 men and women aged between 40 and 80 years; men and
women were represented in roughly
equal proportions, and the data was obtained using face-to-face
interviews, telephone interviews, and mailed questionnaires. Once again this
data indicated a prevalence of PE of
around 30+%, except, interestingly enough, in the Middle East,
where the frequency was reported as 12%. The survey undoubtedly reflects cultural
differences since it's been suggested that men in this region regard early
ejaculation as a sign of potency and virility.
We should also bear in mind that one of the possibilities which may affect
regional differences in the IELT is the relative frequency
of circumcision in the male population.
Circumcision is associated with keratinization and desensitization of the
glans penis, which may reduce penile sensitivity and increase the latency time
during intercourse.
It's also possible that attitudes to sex in Protestant and Catholic
countries have some influence on perception and reporting of PE. Muslim
societies may have a
view of sexuality which denigrates the sexual needs of women, and inclines
men to regard rapid ejaculation as a desirable masculine trait.
The GSSAB also revealed that the prevalence of PE is consistent between the
ages of 18 and 59 years, which might imply that finding an effective
treatment methodologies is actually quite important for young men, who are
in the phase of life where they are still learning about sexual behaviors
and sexual skills, and their relationship skills are
still developing.
In summary therefore, we can say that establishing the true frequency of PE
in a population is difficult, which is hardly surprising since we don't
really have a clear and uniformly accepted definition of "normal" let alone
"premature" latency times.
But even in the absence of a clear definition of PE, and also without
validated and accurate studies to support these conclusions, it's obvious
that PE is widespread
and affects many couples globally. The best estimate of its prevalence
appears to be around 30% to 50%, and the best estimate of normal IELT
appears to be between four and seven minutes.
Premature ejaculation is the
curse of many men. 
What is premature ejaculation, exactly
- and how can premature ejaculation be prevented?